“A man must be active in order to pass through activity into perfect calmness.”
— Swāmi Vivekānanda
The Hindu scriptures describe two ways to attain peace: “Neti, Neti” (not this, not this), and “Iti, iti” (this, this).
Neti is difficult; most people cannot control their minds to stop thinking about something they renounce. For instance, if we’re trying to stop smoking or eating junk food or we take a forced sabbatical from social media, do we have peaceful thoughts? No. All we can think about is the thing we’re avoiding, to the extent that it feels like a punishment. As the Indian priest Anthony de Mello said, “As long as you’re fighting it, you are giving it power. You give it as much power as you are using to fight it.”
The way of Iti is easier: using the bondages to break the bondages. This type of renunciation is gradual, where we enjoy things and know their nature until we are ready to let them go without fuss.
A child enjoys playing with toys until it outgrows them. Likewise, when we have a crush, all we can think about is the other person. But after spending enough time with them, we’re in better control of ourselves and can have peaceful thoughts.
“Until you have fulfilled desire, until you have passed through activity, it is impossible for you to come to the state of calmness, serenity, and self-surrender,” Swamiji says. Pursue your desires and learn from your experiences. You will know when you’ve had enough and be able to keep calm.
Once your desires subside, the chains that tether you to them will automatically fall away.