“Relationship is a process of self-revelation — revelation of oneself through contact with others. Others can help us to see ourselves as we are, but this revelation is denied to us if we depend upon them or use them for our gratification or happiness.”
— J. Krishnmurti
If our partner forgets a special date, we feel neglected. If family members say a few words we don’t like, we get upset. If friends don’t praise us for going out of our way for them, we seethe in our bedroom for days. (Although on the outside, we act like nothing affects us.)
Hell, all this affects us more than we would like! But look closer and you will realize that it’s us, not others’ behavior, that creates these emotions. Each time we make the mistake of depending on others for our happiness, we add one more rivet to the chains that bind us in misery.
The good news is now that you’re aware of this problem, you can take action to solve it. You can use your relationships as a mirror to discover these aspects that are holding you back from pursuing true happiness and fulfillment.
Stuff happens; it’s nothing to be upset over. Even you forget important dates, unknowingly hurt others, and don’t include a friend in your plans because they’re going through their own thing. And frankly, how many of the expectations you subject your loved ones to will you be able to live up to?
Such perspective helps you build Samata—looking upon every situation with equal eyes. This extends into other aspects of your life also: you can treat happiness and sorrow, praise and blame, and success and failure, with poise. You can do the work that life gives you with a calm mind, unfazed by praise or censure. And you get more bandwidth to pursue what truly makes you feel fulfilled.
Doesn’t this sound like freedom?