“Wish and will are not the same thing, but divided by a great gulf: the one, which is all most of us get to, is a puny, tepid, and inefficient thing, and, even when most enthusiastic, easily discouraged and turned from its object; the other can be a giant to accomplish and endure.”
— Sri Aurobindo
Why do most New Year Resolutions fail? Because they’re dreams, not goals. The difference between dreams and goals, as pro-wrestler Paul Levesque (Triple H) explained, is this: A dream is something you fantasize about and it probably won’t come true. A goal is something you plan for, work towards, and achieve. In the case of the former, you say, “I wish to do so and so,” while in the case of the latter, you say, “This is my goal, and here’s how I’m going to achieve it.”
A critical aspect of goal-setting is contingency planning, or planning how to overcome challenges along the way. Because they will come. And if you’re not prepared, you will not be able to recover from a knockdown.
You’re racing against a deadline on an important project but keep getting distracted. You’re striving to become a more patient parent but keep losing your temper when your child disobeys you. You’re trying to become stronger at the gym but you put down the weights before your muscles fail.
Here’s a simple but effective solution: While working on your goal, note down which aspects get in your way, then plan how you will prevent them from occurring.
While working on the project, you can keep the phone out of sight and use app blockers to avoid distraction. Each time your child disobeys you, remind yourself that it’s part of the parenting journey. Before setting down the weights during a workout, push yourself to do just two more reps. (When your mind claims that you’re exhausted, your body still has around 40% left in the tank.)
But you can only take these steps consistently if you have a plan in place for them. The best of plans may fail to survive enemy contact, but failing to plan is even worse—it’s a guarantee that you will fail.
Building checks and balances for failure is not negative, it’s practical. They ensure you don’t falter at every step and make you resilient during tough times. Besides, you prepare a blueprint for real life rather than being unrealistically optimistic.
You won’t foresee every obstacle, and you don’t even need to, Arnold Schwarzenegger writes. “You just need to assume the road won’t be easy. That alone can help shift your mindset, help you thrive in discomfort, and help you achieve your vision.”