“Forgetfulness is the root of all evil, and is death for those who seek release, so one should rest the mind in one’s Self and should never forget the Self; this is the aim. If the mind is controlled, all else can be controlled.”
— Ramana Maharshi
According to the Vedās, there is the self, and there is the Self.
The former is our body, mind, and ego. It feels every emotion and resides in the state of illusion (maya). The Self is a part of the universal brahman (the Absolute) and is pure awareness. It feels nothing. The journey from maya to brahman is what the journey of life is.
Every emotion we experience distances us from the pure awareness that breaks the shackles of bondage. To counter this, each time a thought arises, Ramana Maharshi suggests asking yourself, “To whom has this thought arisen?” The answer will come back as “To me.” Then you can ask, “Who am I?” When you realize you’re the Self and not the body or mind—and the Self doesn’t feel anything—your emotional reactions will recede.
But this isn’t easy to remember when you see a photo of your ex on Instagram, when your manager shouts at you, or when a car cuts you in traffic. In that moment, emotions take over and you end up doing something you regret later.
Here’s what you can do at such times: When you go through an unpleasant experience, write down your feelings on a notecard. And the next time you find yourself in a similar state, read the note card and ask yourself: Is this how I want to feel again?
Learn from bad experiences, and don’t forget the lessons. When you can distance yourself from negative emotions, you create space for positive and productive ones.