When What You Have Gets Taken Away

“To be frustrated is to be psychologically prevented from gaining or achieving that upon which our mind and heart are set. We want something. . . and when we are thwarted, we feel frustrated, a feeling of being nothing, a miserable failure.” — J. Krishnamurti

The 1665 Treaty of Purandar was possibly the biggest jolt in Shivaji’s life. Mirza Raja Jai Singh, who served under Aurangzeb, forced him to surrender 23 forts and pay a hefty fee as tribute. Shivaji’s son Sambhaji would be in Mirza Raja’s custody until he fulfilled the terms of the treaty.

Stripped of almost everything (including his title), Shivaji contemplated death. Hearing this, his mother Jijabai reminded him of the 14 years of exile Lord Rama had to endure. “If the gods had to ensure hardship, who are you and me to question our fate?”, she asked.

Jijabai was not using hollow rhetoric, she had lived those words. Her husband Shahaji left her in her brother’s care when she was seven months pregnant. Shivaji was born in the fort of Pune, which was then a barren and unknown land to Jijabai, while his elder brother Sambhaji stayed with his father.

Jijabai brought up Shivaji like a single parent, enduring the death of her elder son and husband along the way. She changed her mind about committing sati because Shivaji begged her to—he needed “someone to be proud of his exploits,” bound by his oath to establish Hindavi Swaraj (self-rule of the local people).

Eventually, Shivaji turned things around. He escaped Aurangzeb’s capture, learned from his mistakes, and emerged from the setback stronger, renewing the war between the Marathas and Mughals. (Jijabai and Shivaji are what Nassim Taleb calls Antifragile.)

Life is frustrating. Many times, we’re not just deprived of what we want, even what we have is snatched from us. During such times, do you give up all your hopes and dreams? Or do you have patience and bide your time, using what life throws at you to become stronger?

Have patience. Time, not who you are at the moment, will decide how things (and you) turn out.

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