“When a big wave of anger has come into the mind, how are we to control that? Just by raising an opposing wave… When the idea of stealing comes, non-stealing should be thought of; when the idea of receiving gifts comes, replace it with a contrary thought.”
— Swami Vivekananda
Imagine that you visit a dietician. She shakes her head disapprovingly, and says, “You are not healthy. You should be healthy.” How would you respond? Wouldn’t you say, “I know! Tell me what I can replace my unhealthy habits with”?
When someone says you should not feel angry, jealous, or sad, it’s the same. You can’t switch your feelings on or off or control negative emotions at the push of a button. You have to replace them with other emotions.
Think of the woman who is upset with her husband. When she sees her baby, she has two choices. She can vent her husband’s anger on the child and feel guilty later. Or she can kiss the baby and feel her anger turn into love.
You can choose the second option too. The next time a negative emotion looms, raise an opposing wave. If you’re feeling jealous, practice gratitude. If you’re feeling angry, focus on something or someone you love. If you’re anxious about the future, center yourself in the present moment and remember that you’re safe in it.
Train yourself to think the right thoughts until it becomes your default nature.