“When you have compassion you don’t suffer. . . We suffer because we want a result; that is when you say, ‘I am compassionate of the person who is suffering; I want him to get better.‘”
— J. Krishnamurti
Suppose your colleague confides in you that she’s having a rough time at work. Or a relative admits he wants to start exercising but can’t find the time. Or your close friend is struggling to get out of a toxic relationship.
How do you respond? Do you jump into advice mode and try to fix the situation? Stage an intervention? And if they don’t agree with what you said, do you get upset? (“If you don’t want to listen, why are you even talking to me?”)
Such reactions are not about the other person; they’re about you. You anchored your emotions to their situation, and now you will feel better only when things improve for them. In all this, you risk saying or doing something that worsens the situation.
So how should one be compassionate? Compassion doesn’t mean sympathy (“You poor soul!”) Nor does it mean you have to rescue them. Compassion is about giving them what they need. Listen without thinking about what you would do. Share your views only when asked. Be okay if they say no to the help you offer.
Most importantly, keep your own emotions out of the picture.