“Individuality. . . is nothing but the result of ignorance, maintaining itself through many layers of memories, tendencies, and wants. These limitations inevitably cause sorrow and confusion.”
— J. Krishnamurti
Individuality, as it is today, is: “I know the truth,” “I deserve more,” and “I want others to agree with me.” My choices, my opinions, my beliefs. Anyone who doesn’t agree with me is an idiot.
Such a mindset is the beginning of a downward spiral. We reject evidence that doesn’t support our beliefs. We become complacent and take stupid risks. We don’t hesitate to say things that hurt others, but call the world a nasty place when we’re on the receiving end of such treatment.
“When most people are seeking reality or God,” Krishnamurti said, “they are only seeking perpetuation of their own individuality.”
If the world has to become better, what does it need? Not more calls for others to fix what we see as wrong. Rather, it needs for us to take a good, hard look at ourselves, to weaken our grip on our opinions, and to listen and cooperate. Only when we lose our individuality (while retaining our independence and reliability) can we grow as individuals.
To break the dogma that individuality brings, Karl Albrecht, Ph.D., suggests using three statements: “I don’t know,” “I’ve made a mistake,” and “I’ve changed my mind.” When someone asks for your views on a controversy, say, “I don’t know.” When your colleague asks why you moved a project forward without waiting for some important data, have the courage to say, “I made a mistake. I should’ve waited.” When asked why your beliefs changed from a month ago, say, “I’ve changed my mind. The new viewpoint feels more pragmatic.”
These three statements make you lose the need to be certain. You become a human who errs rather than trying to play God. That’s a sign of strength, not weakness.
An added benefit of using such statements is that it could influence others to adopt them as well. Maybe the know-it-all will start listening and understanding instead of always trying to be right.